just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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