At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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