She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
