shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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