also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
