she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
