I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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