Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
