Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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