i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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