Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
