i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
