He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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