he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
