don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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