I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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