How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
