Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
