worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
