She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
