These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
