He kissed a someone with a penis
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
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I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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