I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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