just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
