Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She's the barista slut.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just pee around me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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