he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
