Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
