There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
