can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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