if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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