So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
