Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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