who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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