Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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