i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize