I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
