I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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