i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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