So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
