who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
