I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
