Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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