Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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