Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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