thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
