good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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