hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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