I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
