if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
