I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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