she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
