remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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