2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
