Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
