The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
