dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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