Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
