if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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