i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
