Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
