they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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