but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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