I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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