i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
